“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction
Start your answer by explaining what values are.
Body
Discuss the role of family in inculcation of values, by giving examples both positive and negative,
Conclusion
conclude your answer by mentioning foundational role that family plays in one’s life and its overall impact on society.
Ref id 422329
Please review
Vishal,
Your introduction is good.
In your main answer you can improve certain things –
1. You have given too many negative examples. Try to use positive examples. When you are giving example of rude behaviour, violence; try to use instead example of loving behaviour, compassion.
This will reflect your optimistic outlook.
2. Try to use family in its broadest term. It includes mother, father, siblings, grandparents among others.
Conclusion is well written.
Keep writing to improve further:)
3.5/10
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Subhashree,
You have written a good answer.
However, certain things need improvement to further enrich your answer –
1. Always label your diagram/schematics. Write down “Fig -……..”. It is important to tell examiner why you are drawing it. Without label diagram can’t convey their real purpose.
2. You could have expanded the domain of family to further provide depth to your answer. Family includes father, mother, grandparents, siblings among others.
Keep writing to improve further
Refid# 422544
Anupam,
Your Introduction is good. Conclusion can be written better.
There are following issue that you may keep in mind..
1. There is not even a single example in your answer, without which Arguments seems hollow. You should try to give examples if possible with each Argument.
2. You have Written only one aspect, one can learn negative values also from a family if it is broken.
So cover both the aspect.
UPSC will give you 2 pages for 10 marks question, i Suggest you to follow UPSC standard.
You have good content, try to cover all the aspects of the question.
Keep writing for further improvement:)
2.5/10
#0000422551
please review
Vamsidhar
Your introduction is good but it’s long. Try to restrict your introduction to just one paragraph.
You have written a good answer.
However, certain things need improvement to further enrich your answer –
1. You shouldn’t draw a diagram just for the sake of it. You’ll not get any extra marks for it.
2. You have called family a network of relationship but in your answer you mentioned only mother and father, mention other relatives also
3. Inculcate 1-2 more negative values.
4. Add more Examples, try to give one for each Argument if possible.
Overall a fineAttempt. Keep writing 🙂
Please review sir
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Sushmita,
Your introduction is good it can be further improved with example.
Overall you have written a fine answer, however you need to improve following things
1. Try to add more examples in your answer. Can give examples related to specific values how one Inculcate. For example Mahatma Gandhi’s faith in religion is because of his mother.
So try to give examples if possible to each Argument you make, it will add value to your answer.
2. You can depict role of specific family members such as mother, father, siblings, grandparents.
Your conclusion is very well articulated.
Keep writing for further improvement:)
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Gauri Shankar,
You can write much better Introduction and Conclusion.
You need to make more specific Arguments. First three headings are not very clear about what values they Inculcate in a child, they seems more like upbringing processes. So try to go deeper, make specific value learnt more clear.
Though values mentioned are right but You should not use terms like Mingling with downtrodden. It doesn’t leave a good impression. As with Mingling one is not doing any favours to the community.
Rather use terms like peer group.
But this whole Arguments need to be mold in better way as it’s beyond the scope of Family.
Bring out more role of specific agents of family such as parents, grandparents, siblings.
Also cover negative value that one can inherit from family.
In the end you need to add more examples. Try to give an example for each argument if possible.
Read others’ answer as well. Keep writing:)
Idpay_HJ2s89guguFYwg
Harshaa,
In your opening paragraph you have set a very narrow picture of family. Rather introduce directly with second paragraph, which is articulated really well.
Your way of expression is good but you need to put more effort. It seems your are just writing because you are being forced. Need show more dedication.
Go into more deeper discussion
Add role of various family members.
Write negative values also.
You have the understanding of the subject. Address the demand of the question properly.
Read others answers as well. Keep writing:)
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Your introduction is very good.
You have covered all the aspects of the question.
However you need to take the note of following things-
1. Quote is good but write it at the very start.
2. You must understand that examples are for substantiating your Arguments they shouldn’t be used as answers.
3. Try to bring more agents like grandparents, siblings and what specific value they help in Inculcate.
Give At least 3/4 part to body, write Introduction and Conclusion in the rest.
Overall a fine Attempt but you can do better. Keep writing for further improvement:)
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Ankita,
Your introduction is simple and direct which is good
You have covered various actors in a family and their influence on life of an individual.
Overall answer is written good but you missed to address negative values aspect. You Must write one or two negative values as well to make your answer wholistic.
Add examples it’ll give depth to your understanding.
Your Conclusion is very well articulated.
Overall a good Attempt. Read others’ answers as well and keep writing:)
Payment Id: pay HFrdyJMOEZ9967. Please review, Sir.
Sumita,
You can write better and concise Introduction. Intro should not be of more than one paragraph.
In body you have covered both aspect but there are following things you need to improve-
1. Write smaller paragraphs.
2. You need to bring in specific role played by various units of the family such as parents, siblings, grandparents etc. And values they imbibe.
3. Try to give examples which are more specific.
Same as introduction you can write better and concise conclusion.
Overall fine Attempt but you can do much better. Keep writing:)
3.5/10
Please review
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Please review
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Utkarsha,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are Written fine.
You have Written various functions of the family but not it’s ROLE IN IMBIBING VALUES. This is question a of paper 4, not of Optional.
Here you had to point out role of various family members from whom child learns various VALUES.
Such as Compassion and love from Mother, Discipline, objective Attitude from father, respect towards culture from grandparents etc.
Read question properly and be mindful on the paper of which answer you are writing.
Take help of Mentor’s Comments if necessary.
Read others’ answers as well and keep writing:)
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Kartikeya,
Introduction is very good, used quote aptly.
You have covered multiple units of the family and their role in imbibing values. But you missed how a child imbibe negative values. You should write this aspect also with 1-2 examples.
Also point out the name of specific values being imbibed. Especially in last 3 points otherwise these looks like methods of behaviour control more than value inculcation.
You have fine understanding about the subject. Just try to cover all the aspects of the question, write Ethical terms wherever you can appropriately.
Read others’ answers as well. Keep practicing for further improvement:)
3.5/10
Please review @Swatantra sir.. Payment ID – HIWaoP4yYMjmlq
Deepika,
Your introduction is fine but there is repetition of same idea in your intro, you must avoid that.
In main body you need to write how various values get imbibed in a child character.
Its fine that you have mentioned values learnt separately but you need to depict them in your write up.
Your write up is vague. One can’t make sense of what values child imbibe and how. Here you need to point out specific values learnt
Also mention other units of family then parents like siblings, grandparents etc and show what values learnt from them.
You need to bring discussion as close to the topic as possible.
You have content just present it more specifically. Also add examples in your answer which clearly manifest values imbibed.
Your Conclusion is fine.
Read others’ answers and Keep writing;)
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
Your Introduction is fine but you can club first two paragraph to make in wholistic as per the Question.
You have Written a fine answer but there are following Issues:
1. You must write specific values a child learn in points 4,5,6 without which these points are more like child rearing Practices.
2. You also need to write about negative values that a child may imbibe in a broken family.
3. Personal example is used very well, it would be better if you write it in main body.
Conclusion is very well articulated but need to be concise.
Overall a good Attempt.
Try to address all the parts of the question.
Keep writing 🙂
4.5/10
#0000422288
Kindly review my answer
Sonal,
Your Introduction is fine but it’s very lengthy. Write short introduction, here you can club first two paragraphs as introduction to make it wholistic as per the question.
You must write short paragraphs at max having 5 lines.
Use headings for clear segregation of various parts of the question.
In main body you need to try to present positive values imbibed by the child more clearly like you did for negative ones.
Write about the role of various members of family such as parents, siblings, grandparents in value inculcation.
Most importantly add more examples in your answer. Write one for each argument if possible.
You have good content but you need to improve the structure of the question and arrangement of various Arguments.
Read others’ answer as well and keep practicing 🙂
3.5/10
Order id – #0000420396
@Swatantra
Rohan,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are fine. It’s good that you have Written an example in intro but it would be better you connect it with nature of the question.
Structure is fine.
In main body you have pointed out various positive values one Inculcate, but how ??
Go one step further and add role of various family members such as parents, siblings, grandparents etc. in imbibing these values.
Also add more Examples in your answer.
Overall a fine Attempt, keep writing for further improvement:)
4.5/10
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Arpit,
You have written introduction and conclusion really well.
Your answer fails in satisfactorily addressing the demand of the question due to following reasons:
1. You have listed various values that family helps in imbibing, but how ? Here you can mention the role play by various members of the family like parents, siblings, grand parents etc.
2. At places you just molded values written and presented it as example
Like in points 2,3 and 5. Give more effective examples.
3. One can Inculcate negative values from family as well but you have missed that part.
Try to address all the parts of the question, write more effective and specific Examples especially when nature of question is direct and specific.
Read others’ answers as well and keep practicing for further improvement:)
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Shivanshu,
As also pointed out earlier you must write 10 marker question within 2 page. This is what UPSC provides in final exam.
You need to improve your answer –
1. Your answer lack concrete arguments. You have enlisted only examples. Examples are important but they can’t be your only answer.
2. Follow the principle of one argument followed by one example.
3. Don’t just list down values as you have done on 3rd page. Explain how these particular values are taught by family.
Keep writing to improve further:)
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Vivek
Your introduction is good.
You need to take care of some points in main body of your answer-
1. Add role played by specific agents of family like father, mother and siblings.
2. Explain how different values are being taught by different parenting style and different kind of family.
3. Always try to substantiate your argument with examples.
Keep writing to improve further:)
3.5/10
ref id- #0000422539
Mradul,
Your introduction is good.
Arguments in main body of answer are also well articulated and supported by example.
You can add some specific role played by agents of family like mother, father to add more depth to your answer.
Overall well attempted.
Keep writing to improve further.
5.5/10
Order id: 0000422561
@Swatantra sir please review. Sorry for late uploading.
Vishnu,
Your introduction is good.
In main body part you need to talk about specific family agents shaping values of individual.
Like type of parenting influencing values of person, role played by mother, father and siblings etc.
What you have written is generic in nature. Give examples of above mentioned agencies of families to give depth to your answer.
Keep writing to improve further:)
3.5/10