Hello

The question is about October Revolution, Czarist regime was overthrown in February revolution in 1917 and a provisional government established. After the October Revolution, the Bolsheviks came to power. You have mixed up both.
Introduction can be reframed accordingly.
Social conditions part is fine, but after that mention the causes for October Revolution-
Incompetency of the Provisional Government- None of the four-fold demands of the February Revolution i.e. peace, land to tiller, control of industry by workers and equal status for non-Russian nationalities were implemented by the provisional government…continued participation in war which masses were against, govt was reorganized multiple times
Removal of restrictions on public meetings and associations after the February Revolution led to formation of soviets/committees..establishment of trade unions etc
Arrival of Lenin from exile and increase in power of Bolsheviks, political programme of Bolsheviks etc
Inefficiency of Tzarist regime can be avoided, you have mentioned some generic points but this is a specific question…need to work on the content.
In conclusion, you can mention the result of the revolution.
Keep practicing. 🙂