“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduce your answer with nature of foreign rule in India.
Body- Write about how several foreigners who were aware about the real nature of British rule and moved my the suffering of Indian masses joined Indian struggle for freedom and contributed to it in various capacity.
Conclude with writeup that depict long lasting effect left by their contribution that felt even after Independence.
( Note- This is a PYQ was asked by UPSC in 2013 CSE Mains. As per our analysis there is a high chance of coming a question on similar lines in upcoming exams )
Answer for 1st question @Swatantra sir
pay_HH1EGxOD3EGEhl
Shubhashree,
Your introduction and conclusion are fine.
In main body rather then focusing on name if you make ‘areas of participation’ as main heading it would be more effective. Than use various names.
There no need to make diagram just for the sake of it. Until you are not depicting a different aspect.
Try to add role of more foreigners.
UPSC has a habit of asking questions like this which are seldom prepared by the students.
So try to identify and prepare other such areas as well.
Overall it was a fine Attempt. Keep writing;)
.
Please review Sir
Payment Id pay_HHWzC2O9xhkaqA
Utkarsha,
Your introduction’s first paragraph can be avoided as its not question from society part. Rest is fine.
In main body by making their name as a main heading you are limiting the scope of the question rather make different areas of involvement as their main heading, then use names as Examples.
Conclusion written well.
Now coming to your doubt.
See you can write your introduction with data or any topic currently in news but it’s good for paper 2 and 3 and parts of paper 1 like society section, even in paper 4. But not much scope for such intro in static topic like history until the nature of question is not dynamic
There are two function of the introduction:
1. Giving an opening to the writer about the topic
2. Giving an indication to the reader about what kind of material she should expect.
Introduce much be closely relatable with the topic. So preferable is the one which you feel would Coney the idea or your understanding in more effective way. Keep practicing with different type of intros it would help you in writing more effective intro. Just they need to be close to the question.
I hope this clears your doubt.
Keep writing:)
REF ID: #0000422921
Naresh,
Overall you have written a good answer. Introduction is written fine and conclusion is very well articulated.
In main body you have covered role in diverse areas but for better presentation you and divide under heading.
Here you can add their contribution in in areas like tribal and Harijan’s upliftment, in Press raising voice of India, etc.
Overall fine Attempt keep writing:)
Payment Id pay_HHlJ1R1WIIMdGT
Gauri Shankar,
Your introduction and conclusion are fine.
You have very good factual knowledge but there you need to write more analysis bases answer.
Better way is to divide main body into areas political, social, religious, education etc. Then depicting their role. It would help you in writing more analytical answer that will help you in scoring good in Mains.
You have very good factual knowledge but mold it as per the demand of the question.
Keep writing:)
Refid #422544
Anupam,
Your introduction and conclusion are fine but both can be written better.
Your answer is very factual in nature. You need to write more analytical answer.
For it you can divide your answer in various area in which Foreigners were active in India like socio-religious movements, Educational, press, women empowerment, tribal and Harijan’s upliftment etc. Then use your factual knowledge to substantiate your analysis.
UPSC has a habit of asking such question so for mains try to identify other such fringe topics and prepare atleast for a 10 marks question.
Your expression is simple, direct and effective just keep the keywords attached with the question in mind. Mold your knowledge as per the demand of the question.
you can do much better, Keep writing 🙂
Pay id — pay_HHfL00yH7yO4Mb
Rahul,
Your introduction and conclusion are really very well articulated.
Demand of the question is to analyse their role, not just giving factual information about what they did. You need to focus on analysis.
For that you can divide your answer writing role of foreigners into various movements covering areas like socio-religious, Political, educational, Women empowerment etc. Then use your factual knowledge to substantiate your analysis.
UPSC asked questions from such fringe topics many a times try to identify and prepare them. Also apply your brain for more logical presentation.
Always keep in mind the keywords attached to the question like “analyse” in this.
You can do better just Keep practicing 🙂
3.5/10
Ref id 422329
Please review
Vishal ,
You have Written a very factual answer like most of the students.
Here you had focus on analysis part like in your introduction where you talk about culture.
Keyword attached to the question is analyse so merely writing facts about contribution is not enough.
For analysis of role you need to talk in terms of various areas in which foreigners contributed like Political, socio-religious movements, press, women empowerment, education etc.
Writing various names and what they did points out to the importance of the individual but not his role. For that you have to talk about various areas then use your facts to substantiate.
Read question properly, focus on keywords like ‘analyse’. they are the hints about the way you need to write answers.
Keep practicing for improvement:)
3.5/10
pay_HHogiMPYpQ87sC
Kartikey,
Introduction is very good.
You have done justice with the demand of the question. Covered various areas of contribution with fine analysis.
But to make it more impactful you should have focused on areas of contribution than individuals, like social-religious movements, political, Press, women empowerment, education etc.
Conclusion is also very well articulated.
You still can do better. Keep it up. Keep practicing 🙂
ID-HJjQFLvck5DhqQ
Please review
Sana,
Your introduction and conclusion are good but they are very lengthy, try to concise them.
Your answer is very factual in nature. Demand of the question is to ANALYSE the role, not writing factual details of Individuals what they did.
Analysis means impacts of what they did for example in Religious sphere role of foreigners like Annie Besant helped in re-establishing the faith and pride of Indians in their own culture.
This you can depict by dividing answer into various areas like social-religious, political, Press, Women Empowerment, uplifting of vulnerable etc.
Always take note of keywords attached to the question. Mold your knowledge as per the demand of the question
Keep practicing for improving Further:)
3.5/10
Idpay_HJ2s89guguFYwg@Swatantra
Harshaa,
Your have understood the demand of the question well also written on the same line, i.e. analysis of the role.
But there are following issues:
Your introduction must be clearly separated from you main body.
You have written only two points (Madam Cama was and Indian not a foreigner, avoid such factual mistake), so need to add more points to the answer.
You need to work upon presentation, use headings subheadings for this, like this question can be divided into role into areas like Political, socio-religious, Women Empowerment, Upliftment of vulnerable etc.
Try to use space judiciously, you’ll get 2 pages for a 10 marks questions. So keep that in mind also.
You are moving in the right direction, have confidence and Keep writing 🙂
Payment id-HJHAZEWKSzM3CX
Ankita,
Your introduction is way too long. There is no need to write about the evolution of British rule. Come directly to the point.
In main body you have written multiple points but you need to mold your Arguments as per the demand. How Besant having difference with Gandhi ji is relevant here ?
Also need to give better expression to the points from b to e.
For example you could have Written leaders like Besant had faith in Ideology of congress i.e. non-violent movement and worked closely with it.
It would be better if you divide your answer on the lines of point g. i.e. socio-religious, political, Women Empowerment etc.
You have knowledge but mold argument as per the demand of the question.
Keep writing:)
3.5/10
Payment id HHU8LODcXby9Db
Arpit,
Your introduction and conclusion are fine.
How ever in body it would be better to focus more on the role in various than individuals.
Here you could have divided your body into socio-religious, political, Press etc. headers than using this factual knowledge.
You had to analyse the role not just write the facts. So focus more on analysis part.
You can either you can avoid writing terms such as safety valve as it was used to criticize the Congress or mention with the controversy attached with such term.
Rest structure and expression is good.
Knowledge is not an issue with you but try to present it as per the Demand of the question.
Keep writing:)
Review
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi
Writing dramatic introduction is fine but they should be connected with the nature of question. What you have written in general is fine but not true in terms of the foreigners which are topic of discussion.
In main body you had to analyse the role of foreigners, in other words importance and impact of their role in the struggle of India.
You gave factual data about individuals but it doesn’t satisfy the demand entirely.
Better way to write is to focus on various areas of involvement of foreigners such as political struggle, socio-religious movement etc. Then use this factual knowledge to substantiate.
Asiatic Society was formed with the idea that to rule India effectively British must be more acquainted with the knowledge about India. So it was not something that Directly helped
You have the content but must must present it in a way so that demand of the question can be justified.
Read question properly, focus on keyword attached like analyse in this question.
Keep practicing:)
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
Overall I can say that you have enough knowledge about the topic.
But the most important thing that is missing is the analysis. You have written facts what individuals did.
Rather you had to analyse their role, it’s importance and impact Vis-a-vis India’s struggle for freedom.
You can depict that by talking in terms of various areas they were involved in and it’s impact.
For example in socio-religious sphere Annie Besant’s role was important for strengthening the pride and self respect of Indians in their culture which gave an ideological base to Fight British supremacy.
You have very good factual content just put more focus on analysis part
Keep practicing for Further improvement.
Razor payment id:- HHOoNABVzCCLcD
Aabha,
You must write introduction which is more relatable with the India’s struggled for freedom.
In main body question doesn’t ask you to write just the facts about what various foreigners did. Rather you had to analyse their role i.e. importance and impacts of foreigners contribution.
For example Besant’s role helped in strengthening self-respect and proud of Indian in their culture.
Promotion of ideals of self-rule explicitly being done for the first time under Home Rule movement under her leadership.
You can divide main body under sections like Political importance, socio-religious movements, promotion of the cause of women etc.
Use your factually knowledge as per the demand of the question. You have enough knowledge to write this answer but focus must be the analysis.
Read the question properly, focus on the keywords attached like analyse in this question, and mold your arguments as per demand of the question
Keep practicing for improvement:)
3.5/10
Order number #0000420396
@Swatantra
Rohan,
You have Written a very good answer.
Introduction articulated very well.
Understood the demand of the question and Justified it.
But try to write points dealing with same area such as Political, social etc. together. It will help you in better arrangement of the ideas and also help in avoiding repetition.
Try to inculcate above suggestions.
Rest is fine. Keep writing 😉
pay_HH4AoVE2qPd386 please review
Shivanshu,
Introduction written fine. Conclusion can be written better.
You have understood the demand of the question how ever you need to present better arrangement of the Arguments for fulfilling the Demand.
Your answer looks random mix of ideas. Better way to present is- first give importance than use fact to substantiate.
Also try to write ideas dealing with one area, suppose Political, at one place.
You have good content just work upon structure and arrangement of the arguments.
You can write Better answers just Keep writing 🙂
4.5/10
Payment ID – pay_HHRDszyfOKKRDw
Shikhar, 6
You have articulated both introduction and conclusion very well.
Over all you have answer is also well written.
In section 2 you could’ve given diverse examples as all the examples you have given are related to Annie Besant.
Rest is fine. Keep it up, keep writing:)
Please review it sir
Pay I’d – pay_HHhwlNw9vfR4HH
Shubham,
First of all it’s a 10 marks question, must be written in two pages.
Introduction and conclusion are Written fine.
But you have taken a narrow approach to discuss this question.
Rather than writing factual details about individuals and organization’s you should have focused more on analysis, then using this factual knowledge to substantiate.
You can divide answer under broad headings like Political, social economic etc. then analyse their role i.e. importance and impact of the role of foreigners.
Avoid making exaggerated statement like because of Theosophical religions of India regained zenith.
Knowledge and content is not an issue here with you but try to write more analytical answer supported by facts.
Read others good answer.
You can write better answers just Keep practicing;)
#416440
Tanushree,
You have Written a very long introduce. There is no need of dramatic set-up before writing your introduction. Introduction must be simple direct and closely related to the question. Concise it.
In main body you need to expand more on analysis i.e. importance and effect of their role just one line reference about it is not enough as it is the core demand of the question.
Also go beyond religion and politics add field like women empowerment, labour movement, Upliftment of downtrodden etc.
Conclusion can also be written
better.
You can improve only with more practice so Keep practicing:)
Payment Id : 115213946268
Vivek,
Your introduction and conclusion are fine.
But answer is factual. Rather than writing who did what you had to analyse the impact of the role of various foreigners.
You can divide the analysis under areas like Political , social, religious etc.
For example contribution by foreigners like Margaret Noble (Bhagini Nivedita) led to strengthening the faith and re-establishing the pride of Indians in their culture.
They Helped in providing and training Indians with modern democratic tools. For example self-rule demand by Besant’s Home Rule League etc.
You have content but having it is not enough. You must present it as per the Demand of the Question.
Read other answers and Keep writing for Further improvement:)
Order id: 0000422561
@Swatantra sir please review.
Will try being regular from next week.