“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – start with some fact summarising women’s present socio-economic conditions.
Body –
Briefly points out the issues faced by women in India.
Explain how women movement is addressing these issues. Substantiate with example.
Explain how all this can led to women empowerment.
Conclusion – conclude on lines explaining importance of women empowerment.
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Aabha,
First paragraph of Introduction can be avoided rather start with second.
You have not addressed the demand of the question.
You have talked about issues and various provisions made by the Govt related to Women empowerment, which is fine but depict the role of various women’s Movement/organization and their contribution in social Economic and political sphere which led to such provisions.
Quote names like Arya Mahila Samaj, The Women’s India Association (WIA) National Council of Women in India (NCWI) etc. for pre-independence and SEWA National Federation of Indian Women (1954) the Samajwadi Mahila Sabha (1959) etc for post independence.
Read the question properly understand it’s demand.
Keep practicing:)
Please check
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Shubhashree,
Your Introduction is very well articulated.
You have pointed out various issues related to women and provisions which is fine but not the core demand of the question.
Here you had to evaluate the role of various movement/organisations in addressing these issues.
Talk about the organisations with name from both pre and post independence time. Their demands and activities which realised into provisions, how far they were successful.
Conclusion is good.
Read the question properly. Understand it’s demands then write answer.
Keep practicing for further improvement 🙂
Review
Ref no 0000420120
Review Sir
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Introduction and conclusion are concise and well articulated.
You have understood the question but could not addressed the demand justifiably.
Write your evaluation with analysis of various organisations that you have mentioned. Just writing name’s is not enough.
Briefly mention issues. Then talk about organisation both pre and post independence. Their names, changing demands from general concession like access to education to political empowerment and now Equality.
You have enough factual knowledge but analysis is missing. work upon that aspect.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
Please review
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Utkarsha,
Your Introduction is good.
You have understood the question and addressed it’s demand. However there are following issues-
1. Give better headings especially in issues section. And prioritize you points. Health and nutritional inequality is way issue bigger then commodification.
2. In phase one you have written political sphere but however all the issues are related to social sphere. Political activity of women starts mainly during Gandhian phase.
In Second you have Written femenisation of politics Unfortunately which has not happened even till now. So mind such headings.
3. In post independence phase quote women organisation like SEWA, National Federation of Indian Women (1954) the Samajwadi Mahila Sabha (1959) etc.
Conclusion can be improved upon.
Rest is fine. Keep practicing 🙂
6.5/15
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Rahul,
Your Introduction is well articulated but it’s long concise it.
In issues section try to give broader headings like social political etc. then write under them. In present form issues are mentioned but they are haphazardly arranged.
Evaluation section is written very well. Here in these phase also talk about changing leadership first phase male led, second women talking front seat, at present both male and female playing significant role.
Also evaluation is incomplete until you write various provisions made for women empowerment in all the three phases. So write then as well.
Mentioned some presently active organisation like SEWA as well.
Conclusion is good.
Keep practicing for further Improvement:)
6.5/15
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Ankita,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are Written very well.
You have understood the question.
Highlighted the issues very well. However answer is incomplete.
1. Evaluate the role of both pre and post independence organisations. You have Written only post Independence.
2. Evaluation is incomplete until you mention the impact of such movements mentioning various provisions made by the Govt for women safety and empowerment.
3. Way forward is very generic can be written much better. (Beti Bachao Beti Padao is not a Legislation it’s a welfare umbrella Scheme) Give more effective points in this.
You have good content but try to cover all the broad aspects of the question.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
Ref id 422329
Please review
Vishal,
Your Introduction is fine.
There are following Issues with the Answer-
1. You have Written movements before independence and their impact in post Independent India.
Which is fine but Incomplete.
Talk about organisations after independence like SEWA, SEWA National Federation of Indian Women, the Samajwadi Mahila Sabha etc. also.
2. You have given good factual knowledge but analysis is weak.
Talk about changing leadership of movements first male-led women being passive recipient, under Gandhian phase Women became active some taking leadership role like Mehri Bai Tata, Sarijani Naidu etc.
Then female led movements like Samajwadi Mahila Sabha, presently both men and women leading and Participating.
On the same lines talk about changing nature of demands from general concession like access to education to political empowerment and now Equality.
3. Mention issues still faced by women in India.
Conclusion is well Written.
You have factual content try to cover all the aspects and give more depth to your analysis.
Keep practicing for further improvement 🙂
4.5/15
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Please review
@Swatantra
Sana ,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are very well articulated.
You have very good factual knowledge however you haven’t written answer on the right lines.
Here the core Demand was to evaluate the role of women movements here you had to discuss about various women organisations and their activities, demands both from pre and post independence India.
You have just written two lines about it.
Concise all other aspects and expand in detail the evaluation aspects.
Read more about the women’s organisations’ role.
Keep practicing for further improvement 🙂
3.5/15
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Santosh,
Your Introduction is good. Conclusion is fine can be Written Better.
You have Written both the aspects. Issues part is Written fine. It can be arranged better on the lines of social, Political and Economic. And make this section brief.
You have just written name of the organisations which is not enough. But question demands you to evaluate their role.
Here discuss about changing leadership of movements first male-led women being passive recipient, under Gandhian phase Women became active some taking leadership, then female led movements like Samajwadi Mahila Sabha, presently both men and women leading and Participating. Changing nature of demands from general concession like access to education to political empowerment and now Equality etc.
Then write about the impact of these movements and what still need to be done.
Use all 3 pages for it.
Keep practicing 🙂
Plz review…. I’d HJjaTzqssZMHUB
Ibrahim ,
Introduction is fine. Can be better by addition of the facts.
There are follow Issues- with the answer-
1. Issues are written but need to concise it. Give more focus on evaluation part.
2. In evaluations you talked only modern movements which is just a small part.
Talk about pre independence, immediately after independence movements as well.
Changing leadership, nature of demands etc.
3. Any evaluated is incomplete without mentioning their impacts. So write about various decision, steps by the Govt. And what more needs to be done to make it a complete answer.
4. Don’t write conclusion explicitly.
Conclusion can be Written much better.
Read others answers as well. Keep Practice for further improvement:)
5.5/15
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Harsha,
You have missed a whole section of the question that is issues. Cover that aspect as well.
Evaluation part is written very well.
It would be better if under these broad headings you can write organisations from both pre and post independence India dealing with same areas.
in this section mention name of women organisations from post independence time as well like SEWA, SAMAJWADI MAHILA SABHA etc.
Also without pointing out the impact of these movements evaluation is incomplete so write impact of movement on Govt policies as well.
Write more words it’s a 15 marks ques use 3 pages , address all the parts. You are improving and doing fine. Just don’t repeat mistakes.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
4.5/15
Order id-0000420396
@Swatantra
Rohan,
Your Introduction is very well articulated. Conclusion is fine.
You have Covered all the aspects of the question.
In issues section write supportive facts so to highlight the problems faced by facts.
Section section is written very well. Add more organisations like Arya Mahila Samaj, The Women’s India Association (WIA) National Council of Women in India (NCWI) etc. for pre-independence and National Federation of Indian Women the Samajwadi Mahila Sabha etc for post independence.
Rest is fine. Keep practicing 🙂
7.5/15
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
You can quote some facts with your Introduction to give a glimpse into present situation of women in India like Gender Index etc.
In Issues too Support your Arguments with facts otherwise they are written Fine.
In core demand section you have mentioned just the names of the movements, in political section your points are results of movements not the movements themselves except last point same is the issue with points 3.3 and 3.4 , which is not enough.
Here you have to write more analytical answer.
Talk how leadership of these movements changed, how nature of demands evolved, what is the present nature of demand etc.
Then mention impacts and limitation.
And briefly mention what more can be done.
Your factual knowledge is good. But focus more on analysis.
Keep practicing 🙂
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Kartikey,
Introduction and Conclusion are really well articulated.
You need to add supportive facts in issues section.
You need focus more on analysis other then the fact that earlier movements were men-led rest points are essentially factual in nature. Give it more analytical approach, talk about changing nature of demand, present movements direction etc.
Any evaluation is incomplete without depiction of impact. So write steps taken by Govt. (Pre and Post independence) which were influenced by these movements.
Rest is fine.
Keep practicing for further improvement 🙂
6.5/15
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Shivanshu,
Your Introduction is well articulated.
Issues section is written Fine, Diagram is fine but can be read more readable with ease.
In core section you given various facts but analysis is weak.
Question ask you to evaluate the role here you need to talk in terms of changing leadership of movements, changing nature of demands from general concession like access to education to political empowerment and now Equality etc.
See if you read your answer you’ll find above trends in your answer but you need to write them explicitly. Articulation need to be more analysis based.
Add more facts in impact section.
You still need to improve your presentation.
Also briefly talk about limitations of these movements and suggest way forward.
You have good factual knowledge but need better analysis based articulation as per the demand of the question.
Keep practicing for further improvement 🙂
Order id: 0000422561
Vishnu 6,
Your Introduction is written Fine.
You have shown good analytical abilities in your answer.
There are few things that you need to improve-
1. Use facts especially for issues section to support your Arguments.
2. Under broad headings i.e social political and economic you could have shown evolution of the movements in terms changing nature pre and post independence that would be more impactful.
3. Without writing impacts and limitations evaluation is incomplete so you need to add them as well.
Conclusion can be written on more optimistic lines.
Don’t make habit of writing on margins, UPSC levy heavy penalties for it. So for your own good avoid it.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
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Arpit,
The scope of question is not limited to post Independence. Rather you have to talk about Movements from both pre and post Independence.
You have not pointed out issues faced by women which you should have Written with the Support of the facts.
In evaluation there is Intermix of facts which questions your understanding of the issue.
SEWA under Ela Bhatt essentially is economic nature and anti-liquor movement is social in nature.
Limitation (should have given heading as evaluation started from the first page itself) section is well Written.
But before that you should have Written impacts of these movement without which limitations are baseless.
Always suggest way forward when ever you write negatives about something.
Conclusion is half-baked as you have not shown those policies and legislations in your answer.
You write good answers however I’m am observing some down in your answer quality.
Read more about the topics.
Read questions properly. Take your time then attempt.
You have good potential, don’t take negatives comments otherwise, work upon weakness.
You’ll do good
Keep practicing 🙂
kindly review @Swatantra sir
Ref id #420326
Deepali.
Your Introduction is well articulated. Always write meaning of words from the language other then your medium of exam in bracket.
First part of the Question covered very well.
In Second, evaluation section, there is a scope of improvement.
Here you need to focus more on analysis. Writing facts is not enough. Women,
Talk in terms of changing leadership of movements first male-led women being passive recipient, under Gandhian phase Women became active some taking even leadership role,
then emerged female led organisations like Samajwadi Mahila Sabha, presently both men and women leading and Participating.
On the same lines talk about changing nature of demands from general concession like access to education to political empowerment and now Equality.
Quote names of Women organisations like Arya Mahila Samaj, The Women’s India Association (WIA) National Council of Women in India (NCWI) etc. for pre-independence and SEWA National Federation of Indian Women (1954) the Samajwadi Mahila Sabha (1959) etc for post independence.
It would be better if you can write impacts of these Movements during respective time.
Write limitations of these movements and steps that can be taken briefly.
You have good factual content but write more analysis based answer supported by these facts.
Keep writing for further improvement:)