“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduce with line focussing on action or work like – not only say about peace, think about it. And not only think about it work for it.
Write arguments which that proves action in ethics e.g. Gandhi action on non- violence
India’s concept of NAM and acting on it
Add one argument how actions devoid of ethics is nothing but hollow dream of peace – e.g. world race for nuclear bombs.
Also, one argument can be ignoring unethical work going on points to collision to that act
Conclusion – preaching is not enough, action translate into real goodwill
Sir please provide the complete schedule
we have provided the schedule till 14th of June, as of now, we’ll update the full schedule on Sunday that is June 6th.
You just gave two weeks sample where do I find complete schedule and pattern
Please provide complete schedule
Kindly review my answer.
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Sonal,
Introduction to your answer is very good but it is too long, same is the case with conclusion, try to write short introduction and conclusions.
In main body you have given both the aspect of the ethical and unethical action and their results also used good examples.
But its hard to make sense of your arguments with headings that you have given, so write headings which are simple and directly related to the question.
For example you can use headers like Ethical actions: prerequisite for a peaceful society than using Gandhian philosophy to substantiate, same can be done for the Climate change Section of the answer.
You need to work upon the structure of the answer, also try to write short paragraphs
Your overall content is fine but ideas need to be arranged in proper order.
It was a fine attempt, Keep writing 🙂
3.5/10
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Subhashree,
Your way of presentation is good also there is nice flow in the answer.
But it seems you didn’t read the question properly hence failed to justify the demands of the question. These are practice question so take your time and read questions properly, multiple times if needed.
Question doesn’t ask you to write what is the importance of ethics. Only last two points, that too indirectly, can be related to the question. try to mold your arguments as per the demand of the question.
Core demand of the question is “why ethical actions are important for the existence of a peaceful and just society”.
So answer must mention importance of ethical action; consequences of unethical actions.
Your conclusion is very good, but its mix with way forward both can be separated.
Read answers of fellow aspirants as well, Keep writing 🙂
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Vishnu,
you have written a very long introduction that too not directly hitting what is asked in the question.
Try to write introduction which is direct simple and as close as possible to the question.
You have to work upon the structure of the answer, its hard to distinguish various parts of the answer that is intro, body and conclusion.
Always write a 10 marks question in 2 pages.
You have covered both the aspects needed to be written, You also have used fine examples
but giving just examples is not enough. Write proper argument than substantiate with examples.
Here, You can go one step further and point out that being ethical doesn’t mean one can ignore unethical action, it is indirect collusion and cooperation.
Write conclusion separately.
overall well try
Keep it up, read others’ answers as well it’ll give you more arguments.
Keep Writing:)
2.5/10
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Answer to 4th question.
Vivek,
Your introduction to the answer is really good.
Content of the answer and use of examples is also fine.
Try to give headings to various aspects that you are covering in your answer it enhances the visibility of answer and becomes easier for the examiners to notice.
It’s fine that you have taken support of western ideas to justify your arguments but prefer Indian ideas and philosophy, for example here you can quote Bhagavat Gita.
One more aspect that you can add is that being ethical doesn’t mean one can ignore unethical action as he himself doesn’t involve directly, it amounts indirect collusion and cooperation, for example an honest employee keeping silence about the corruption by his collogues.
you can add way forward that is how to ensure ethical action-good family values, value based education etc.
Overall its a good attempt.
Keep Writing 🙂
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How did you attach the pictures? There is no option being shown.
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Kartikey,
Actions based of ethics doesn’t mean to do what is expected by others, It simply means doing the right thing even if it enrages others. Avoid making such basic theoretical mistakes it give a bad impression about understanding.
You can write better introduction rather than writing the question.
Your argument in body part is good also you used examples aptly.
Try to write headings so to make easier for the examiner to identify various parts of the answer.
Also in questions like this you can write way forward or suggest way to ensure ethical conduct of the individuals for example value based education, code of ethics in civil services etc.
Conclusion of the answer is good.
Overall fine attempt. Keep writing 🙂
Please give reviews as earlier as possible
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Santosh,
Your introduction to the question is very long. you can club first to paragraphs and write simple and small 3-4 lines introduction.
Try to write headings as close as possible to the question, like Ethical action: prerequisite for a peaceful society, give proper arguments than support with examples.
You have given good examples, still examples from diverse areas can be used, try to write at least 2 example for each aspect when ever question explicitly asks you to write suitable examples.
Try to work more on presentation each part of the answer must be easily distinguishable, as conclusion is written in same paragraph with French revolution.
Read other aspirants answers as well, Keep writing:)
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Sakshi,
your Introduction to the answer is fine , but it fails establish direct a link between action and peaceful society.
Second paragraph can be omitted as its an indirect repetition of what you have written in intro.
You have written very well how ethical actions leads to establishment of a peaceful society also use of examples is very good.
You must also write about the disorder and disturbance caused by unethical actions in the society.
You can also suggest ways to inculcate ethical attitude by giving ideas like Value based education etc.
conclusion is fine.
you have good writing skills just Try to cover all the possible aspects of the question.
Keep writing 🙂
3/10
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Sumita,
Your Introduction to the answer is confusing, it’s hard to understand its relevance with the question.
Try to write introduction as close to the question as possible.
Its good that you started directly addressing core demand of the que in body.
Examples you have given are also fine but using all examples from history makes your answer look like answer of history than of paper 4. So try to use examples from diverse areas.
Try to use headings for various sections of the answers, write answers in smaller paragraphs, it will make easier for the examiner to identify various parts of the question.
Read Others’ answers as well, keep writing 🙂
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Utkarsha,
You have written Introduction and conclusion very well.
There is a nice flow in your answer. But you’ve missed one core the aspect of the question that is how unethical actions causes disorder and disturbance in the society. so try to address all the possible aspects of a question.
Try to give examples from other areas as well then just history.
You can also write way forward in questions like these like good family value, organic enculturation, value based education etc
Must use headings for different part of your answer.
use two pages for a 10 marks question.
Read answers of other fellow aspirants, keep writing 🙂
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Deepali,
You started answer in right direction, but got diverted soon after.
The Core demand of the question is “how ethical actions are essential for the existence of the peaceful and just society” but you have written why one act ethically i.e. based on belief or utility.
Then in last paragraph you have written why one act certain way that is based on enculturation and learnt dispositions. the ways to change attitude and behaviour you can suggest as way forward.
Also always write introduction and conclusion separately from your main body of the answer.
Use headings for different sections of the answer.
Try to read question properly, go through the mentor’s comments if needed help.
your way of expression is really good but pls try understand the demand of the question and mold your arguments as per the demand of the question.
Read Others’ answers it’ll help in enhancing your understanding. Keep Writing:)
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Yash,
Your Way of introducing answer is really thoughtful and good.
In main body of the answer you have repeated the argument that ‘ethical action leads to the peaceful society’ in para 2 and 3 and same idea is there in your diagram, pls avoid repetition.
You could have clubbed these two paras under one heading that substantiated with examples.
It’s good that you have cover other aspect as well.
You can also write how being ethical not limited to doing ethical actions but also resisting unethical actions of other for example an honest employee not keeping silence to the corruption of co-workers.
You can use diagram for writing ways to inculcating ethical behavior as way forward.
Use heading for other parts of the question as well like Conclusion, which is well written.
Overall good attempt 🙂
4.5/10
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@Swatantra Sir is there any members only group where answers and comments are not visible to everyone but just to members. Or Can I email you my answers.
Rupesh,
Introduction to any question must be simple, direct and as close to the question asked as possible. Your intro is powerful but difficult to relate with the question.
Expression of arguments in your answer is really good also you used examples aptly, especially the vision of Gandhian Ram Rajya.
Idea that you have talked about in conclusion needs to be a whole section of the answer. So try to address all the possible aspect of the question properly.
always try to write conclusion with positive tone.
You can also write way forward pointing out ways to inculcate ethical behavior.
Read other’s answer as well, Keep writing 🙂
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Anupam,
your intro to the answer is simple and direct which is good.
Demand of the question is to discuss the idea that is ‘ethical actions are essential for a peaceful and just society’, to justify you must also write how lack of ethical action leads to disorder and disturbance in the society.
You have discussed first aspect with use of various dimensions really well, but try to address all the possible aspects of the question.
Also Always try to suggest way forward in question which talks about achieving ideal (here it is a peaceful society).
You can write better conclusion.
Read other’s answer as well, Keep writing 🙂
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Gauri Shankar,
Your way of expression is simple yet impactful.
Introduction if fine but can be improved upon.
In body You have covered multiple aspect also used various example which is good.
But rather then elaboration examples you must discuss more about the core idea of the question with various arguments than using these examples just to substantiate.
For instance Ethical actions also demands individual to do the right thing even at the cost of personal loss eg Ashok Khemka
Give equitable space to argument you discussed in second para,
Write Way forward and conclusion separately.
Read other’s answer as well, Keep writing 🙂
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Vishal,
Intro intro rather then defining ethics you should talk about ethical actions and its impact,
Draw more relevant diagram.
Under heading Ethical action and peaceful society you have written really good points but arguments must be molded as per the demand of the question.
For instance you can write ‘Actions of corona warriors dedicatedly following of medical ethics even at the cost of personal health ensuring protection in pandemic.
Also you must write other aspect of the question that is how ‘disorder and disturbance in a society occur by unethical action’.
So try to cover all the aspect of a question.
Also write way forward especially when question talk about attainment of an ideal.
Read Others’ answer as well, keep writing 🙂
@Swatantra sir, please consider my yesterday’s answer, as i couldn’t upload it because of the glitch.
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Mradul,
you have good presentation skills and structure of the answer is also fine.
You need not to write bio of the personality, if he/she is famous Examiner would be aware about him/her.
Intro must be as close as possible to the question which is missing. You could have talked about the linkage between ethics and actions there.
After writing intro jump directly to the main part of the answer. You haven’t started it until the very last of the first page.
Also beware of making such universal claim that 21st century being the most peaceful, examiner might not agree.
You have written first aspect i.e. ethical action being prerequisite for the peaceful society well with example.
but idea that you’ve written in conclusion i.e. consequences of unethical actions must be written in detail .
must give equitable space to all the possible aspects of the questions.
Also write a way forward to achieve idea peaceful state.
than conclusion separately
Read Others’ answers as well, Keep Writing 🙂
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Shikar,
Your introduction is fine,
Presentation and structure of the answer is good.
In body you had to deal with Core idea that is the ‘why ethical actions are essential for a peaceful society’ rather than writing their manifestations as you have written.
So you need to mold your arguments to fulfill this demand, for instance ethical actions are essential for ensuing social justice, promoting the spirit of service etc, then substantiating with various examples (you have quoted really good examples).
Also discuss what can be the consequences if actions are devoid of ethics, which is another important aspect of the question.
You can also give way forward especially in questions which tries to attain some ideal (peaceful society in this question)
Conclusion is well written.
Keep Writing 🙂
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Yamini,
Intro of your answer is very good but try to make it short.
your presentation is good, structure is also fine.
Core demand of the question is to discuss the ‘why ethical actions are essential for a peaceful society’ what you have written are “means to attain peaceful society.
For example a doctor’s action based on medical ethics is ethical, but why she need to be ethical ?
same can be asked for a journalist, or any individual.
So mold your arguments asper the demand of the question then substantiating with various examples you have written.
Also discuss other aspect i.e. ‘what can be the consequences if actions are devoid of ethics’.
Conclusion is very well written.
These are practice question so Take your time read question properly, try to address all possible aspect of the question.
This is just the start, keep writing you’ll improve with time 🙂
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Deepanshu,
Your introduction is fine. presentation is also good.
In second paragraph you have mentioned very aptly that just and peaceful society is that we aspire,
but somewhere you fail to fulfill the core demand of the question which is ‘why ethical actions are essential to realize that aspiration’.
It seems you are well versed with various ethical jargons and ideas, but try to understand the demand of the question and write all the possible aspects (take the help of mentor’s comments if needed).
Also you not used even a single example, One is expected to write multiple examples especially when questions asks it explicitly.
Read others’ answers as well, and keep writing ?
Sir,as advised by you I should write in A4 sheet but it may take 3-4 days due to lock-in in my city.( I need to purchase)
Will write in that sheet probably in 3-4 days.
Kindly review
Ref no# 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Intro to the answer is fine.
It’s good that you directly jumped to the main body of the answer.
But you’ve discussed examples in main body which is not the main demand of the question.
Rather you need to discuss in detail “why ethical action is essential for a peaceful society”, than using these examples to justify your ideas.
also write other aspect of the question that is how disturbance and chaos becomes order in the society if actions are devoid of the ethics.
Also conclusion can be improved upon.
Your way of expression is very good, but there is a lot to improve, and i’m sure you will, just keep writing 🙂
Rajlaxmi,
Intro to the answer is fine.
It’s good that you directly jumped to the main body of the answer.
But you’ve discussed examples in main body which is not the main demand of the question.
Rather you need to discuss in detail “why ethical action is essential for a peaceful society”, than using these examples to justify your ideas.
also write other aspect of the question that is how disturbance and chaos becomes order in the society if actions are devoid of the ethics.
Also conclusion can be improved upon.
Your way of expression is very good, but there is a lot to improve, and i’m sure you will, just keep writing 🙂
#0000422551
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