“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction-
Write about Bureaucracy and Committed Bureaucracy.
Body-
In first section illustrate how Committed Bureaucracy doesn’t mean being loyal to the party in power rather it’s being committed to service of people, commitment to constitutional values.
In next Section bring the Importance of various foundational values that helps Bureaucracy in achieving its commitment towards inclusive and sustainable national development.
Conclusion- importance of ethically committed administration
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Gauri shankar,
In Introduction should define committed Bureaucracy.
Then bring clarity on the aspect that not being loyal to the Political party in power.
Committed bureaucracy is effective only when its Committed towards public welfare, programmes and schemes of the government and ensures they effectively and timely implemented.
If this commitment is misguided and
the bureaucracy starts serving a political leader or party blindly, it can prove disastrous as it leds to Bureaucracy-politician Nexus, In such a scenario,
the bureaucrat and politician prosper, but the people suffer.
Use examples to substantiate your Arguements like Colonial British Indian Bureaucracy, Bureaucracy under Nazi Germany etc.
After that your write up about Importance of Foundational values
Will be for effective. In this section too you need to give examples. You can quote here Civil servants like E. Shreedharan, Armstrong Pame, U. Sagayam.
Reduce your font size a bit and your Address all the Aspects of the Question properly.
Keep writing 🙂
3.5/10
Note- Since it’s a two month program last date to write answers is July 30th. All the questions will be evaluated latest by August 5th.
After that this program will end as we need to focus on Prelims. So write all the answers before 30th.
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Shubhashree,
You need to mind the word limit. Writing 10-15 words more the the prescribed limit (150 words for a 10 marks Question) is fine but you have Written way more words.
Now about your answer. Your Introduction and Conclusion are fine.
The way you have Written you couldn’t address the first section of the question. Rather then writing in such haphazard manner you could’ve Written in simple paragraph which would have been more effective.
Your examples of Nazi Germany is good but the heading you have given is not appropriate. A bureaucrat should serve the office, symbol the people’s authority, rather than merely the person who occupies that office.
Innovation in answers are fine but only if they serve the purpose otherwise they look haphazard and cover space where you could’ve Written something more effective.
Last section you have just defined various Foundational values rather you had to show how these values help in the commitment of Bureaucracy being towards the welfare of the people and development of the Nation.
So mold your arguments in that direction. You can quote here Civil servants like E. Shreedharan, Armstrong Pame, U. Sagayam etc.
You are a good student who write good answers I don’t expect you to write such answer specially at the end of the program.
Never forget the basics read questions properly, understand it’s demand and present your Arguments as per the demand of the question.
Just don’t repeat mistakes and Keep practicing 🙂
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Ankita,
Overall you have Written a very good Answer.
Both aspects of the Question addressed very well.
However there are few issues that you need to address-
1. You need to mind the word limit. Writing 10-15 words more the the prescribed limit (150 words for a 10 marks Question) is fine but you have Written way more words. So concise your arguments.
2. You must ensure there is clear link between various section of the answer. You can establish it by just writing 1-2 lines.
3. There is not even a single Example in your answer. You can quote here Civil servants like E. Shreedharan, Armstrong Pame, U. Sagayam etc.
Overall Good Attempt. Keep Practicing 🙂
4.5/10
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Kindly review
Sonal,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are very well articulated. But they are very long.
Due to above issue you have also breached the word limit. Writing 10-15 words more then the prescribed limit (150 words for a 10 marks Question) is fine but you have Written way more words. So concise them.
In first section you need to add examples. Also add bring out the aspects about the ills that a Bureaucracy which is committed to Political party can led to.
Second section is written fine. But You need to Inculcate example to substantiate your points. There is not even a single Example in your answer.You can quote here Civil servants like E. Shreedharan, Armstrong Pame, U. Sagayam etc.
Keep Practicing 🙂
4.5/10
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