“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – define what is proper utilization of fund or define corruption.
Body – explain the ills caused by improper utilization of funds. Relate them to corruption. Add example with your arguments.
In this question broad understanding of corruption i.e. beyond momentary gain can help you write good answer.
Conclusion – conclude on positive effects created by proper utilization of funds
Ref id 422329
Please review
Vishal,
Introduction is fine but can be Written Better.
It has been pointed out at multiple occasions that Examples can not replace Argument. They are always in Supportive nature.
Rather than writing long examples better would be that you give arguments and then followed them by 1-2 line example. It will give you space for writing diverse examples.
Here you need to expand the horizon apart from monetary corruption here you can connect improper utilisation of funds with delay in allocation of developmental work,
Irrational freebies distribution causing fiscal pressure and causing moral hazard in the public, Policy paralysis, Red tapism , unnecessary judicial invention, Non Implementation of citizen charter, causing Social apathy towards corruption and inequality.
Conclusion is fine.
Keep Practicing 🙂
Please review it sir
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Shubham,
Your Introduction is well articulated.
Discuss directly core section in detail there is no point of writing same points in brief which you’ll discuss in detail in next section.
In this way you could’ve avoided repetition in your answer.
In space saved you could’ve discussed more ills like Policy paralysis, unnecessary Judicial intervention, moral hazard and social apathy towards corruption among the masses etc.
Conclusion is very well articulated. It would better you can write way forward SEPARATELY from Conclusion.
One more thing do not write on margins UPSC levy heavy penalties for it last year it deducted as much as 25 marks. So beware of it.
Overall good Attempt. Keep practicing 🙂
4.5/10
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06/15
Shubhashree,
Your Introduction is fine. But you haven’t written any Conclusion. You should always Conclude your answer.
You have good understanding of the topic but they way you have written first section is more suitable for pub ad. Paper. Here you need to to talk in more broader sense.
You can expand your discussion by connecting various ills related to corruption such as policy paralysis, delayed decision making, red Tapism and bureaucratic inertia, moral hazard and apathy towards corruption etc. Caused by improper utilisation of funds.
Rest is fine. Keep Practicing 🙂
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Rahul,
Your Introduction is well articulated.
You have Written your answer on the right lines but you need to Inculcate more arguments in your answer.
Expand the horizon of the discussion apart from monetary corruption here you can connect improper utilisation of funds with delay in allocation of developmental work,
Irrational freebies distribution causing fiscal pressure and causing moral hazard in the public, Policy paralysis, Red tapism , unnecessary judicial invention, Non Implementation of citizen charter, causing Social apathy towards corruption and inequality etc.
You have Written good Conclusion but it’s very lengthy. Concise it.
Keep Practicing 🙂
Please review
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7/15
@Swatantra Sir please review
Utkarsha,
Your Introduction is concluding in nature. Rather talk about resource utilisation or corruption in Introduction.
Next section you have Written good. You have given good reasoning.
Rather than just pointing out factor Inculcate them in your discussion. Give examples to make them more effective.
Also avoid Writing examples like P. Chidambaram as this case still under the court.
You Conclusion makes sense but it hard to relate it with the question. So mold it as per the question.
Rest is fine. Keep Practicing:)
ref id- #0000422539
Mradul ,
Your Introduction is fine. It can be better with addition of an example.
You need to concise your Argument in second paragraph. What is improper utilisation of funds can be Written in fewer words.
In next Section you need to expand discussion you can talk about more ills caused by improper utilisation such as Irrational resources distribution causing fiscal pressure and causing moral hazard in the public, Policy paralysis, Red tapism, causes Social apathy towards corruption and inequality etc.
You have not given any examples in your answer without which any answer is Incomplete. Inculcate examples.
Rest is written fine. Keep practicing 🙂
4.5/10
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Pls review
Krishna,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are very well articulated.
You should stay focused on the core demand of the question which is good. However you must understand improper utilisation doesn’t occur only in monetary terms. Here you can add issues like nepotism, red Tapism, bureaucracy-politician-criminal nexus, and effects like social apathy towards corruption, moral hazard caused by irrational fund allocation etc.
Also you must Inculcate examples in your answer for value addition.
Keep Practicing 🙂
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Santosh,
From the first word to the last you stay focused on the core demand of the question.
Overall you have Written a good Answer. You can expand the discussion and talk about issues related to improper utilisation like favouritism, red tapism, bureaucracy-politician-criminal nexus, and effects like social apathy towards corruption, moral hazard caused by irrational fund allocation etc.
I can not emphasis it more that you must write examples with your arguments it will enhance value of your answer.
Overall fine Attempt. Keep Practicing 🙂
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Kartikey ,
Overall you have Written a fine Answer.
However you have focus only on monetary Aspect of the question. In this question broad understanding of corruption i.e. beyond monetary gain can help you to diversify your answer.
Here you can talk about issues like favouritism, political criminal nexus, preferential treatment in allocation, irrational allocation of funds due to popular pressure etc.
Also in effects you can point out moral hazard and social apathy towards corruption among the masses.
You have good conceptual understanding. And you are very consistent here. I have advised you earlier as well that you must Inculcate examples in your answer. It will help you score better in Mains.
Keep Practicing 🙂
4.5/10
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Ankita,
Your Introduction is fine.
this is not pub ad question so your write up needs to be concise. And you should write it in the last section as way forward but you need to mold your arguments here
Saying mechanism like this needs to be strengthened to make utilisation of fund more transparent and accountable.
You have started addressing the Question from the Second page only. Your points are rather result of improper utilisation they doesn’t prove it to be a corrupt practice. You need to first prove it by arguing on the basis of points like Irrational resources distribution causing fiscal pressure and causing moral hazard in the public, Policy paralysis, Red tapism etc. Then write effects Social apathy towards corruption and inequality etc.
your first three points can ne summed up under points by saying improper utilisation lead to inequality which impacts public trust in the government which results into deviant behaviours.
In last point you have quoted INX media case which is still under court avoid such Examples.
Conclusion is missing. Always Conclude your answer.
Keep Practicing 🙂
2.5/10
Review Sir
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi ,
Your Introduction is very well Written.
You need to improve this answer on following lines:-
1. Give more detailed write-up proving improper utilisation of funds is corruption. Just diagram is not enough it’s the core demand of the question. Argue on the basis of points like Irrational resources distribution causing fiscal pressure and causing moral hazard in the public, Policy paralysis, favouritism etc. Then write effects Social apathy towards corruption and inequality etc.
2. Concise your causes section and then suggest some measures to ensure transparency and accountability.
3. Inculcate more examples in your answer.
Conclusion is fine. Keep Practicing 🙂
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Vivek,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are Written fine.
Question doesn’t ask you to write causes behind the improper utilisation of the funds.
Here you need to first prove that improper utilisation of funds is a form of corruption so mold your arguments in that direction like Irrational resources distribution causing fiscal pressure and causing moral hazard in the public, Policy paralysis leads to delay in allocation of funds for development , Red tapism and favouritism promotes secrecy and promotes unfair Practices etc.
Then write effects Social apathy towards corruption and inequality etc.
Causes can only be written in brief and after that you must suggest some way forward.
Mind that having content is not enough it should be use to address the demand of the question.
Keep Practicing for further improvement:)
Kindly review @Swatantra sir
Ref id 420326
Deepali ,
Your Introduction and Conclusion are Written fine.
You need to club second and third paragraph into one. And start addressing the core demand as soon as possible.
Question doesn’t ask you to write reasons behind the improper utilisation of the funds.
Here you need to first prove that improper utilisation of funds is a form of corruption so mold your arguments in that direction like Irrational resources distribution causing fiscal pressure and causing moral hazard in the public, Policy paralysis leads to delay in allocation of funds for development , Red tapism and favouritism promotes secrecy and promotes unfair Practices etc.
Then write effects Social apathy towards corruption and inequality etc.
Causes can only be written in brief as its not a core part of the question,
Mind that having content is not enough it should be use to address the demand of the question.
Keep Practicing for further improvement:)
2.5/10
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