“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction- start with some recent news or with some line linking human progress and animal’s treatment
Body – give argument for how treatment of animals in a society can act a tool to measure Moral progress and greatness of nation -point out values like compassion, justice to voiceless, rule of law etc.
You can use some India specific arguments like Indian constitution (article 21- right to life also includes animals) and laws related to stop of cruelty against animal. Add some lines on clinical trails on animal.
Conclusion- concluding remarks can be on lines of importance of love towards animal
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Shubhashree,
Your Introduction is very well Written.
The quality of Argument is good but at places it seems your discussion drifting away from the demand of the question.
You need add points to highlight the way animals are treated in India citing arguments like Inhuman keeping of animals, Painful transportation of animals, Causing pain to animals for the sake of sports, like Jallikattu and various kinds of races, Religious practices, sacrifices and rituals causing pain to animals, Inadequate laws and infrastructure to uphold animal rights.
These instances highlight that animals are treated not better than objects of gratification, going against Gandhiji‟s concept of Bio-morality and Bio-equality, where every creature has equal right to survive.
Also you need to modify your stand that you have took in the second last paragraph related to drug trial.
Overall all it’s a fine Attempt. I admire your consistent efforts. Keep Practicing 🙂
4.5/10
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Ankita
Your Introduction is very good but you need to concise it.
Second paragraph is really well written to highlight the the Importance the quote.
You should also highlight the issues of cruelty more by giving more arguments and examples. It will add value of your argument in favour of quote.
Rest is fine.
Overall all a good Attempt. Keep Practicing 🙂
4.5/105
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Kartikey,
Your Introduction is well articulated.
But the quality of the arguements is very generic. At places you loose focus of the demand of the question.
To Bring out the Importance of the quote first highlight the present level of treatment that Indians give to animals.
Inhuman keeping of animals Kerala elephant case, like narrow and unhygienic confinement- poultry or canine houses, Causing pain to animals for the sake of sports, like Jallikattu and various kinds of races , Religious practices, sacrifices and rituals causing pain to animals, Inadequate laws and infrastructure to uphold animal rights, issue of drug trial on animals.
These instances highlight that animals are treated not better than objects of gratification, going against Gandhiji‟s concept of Bio-morality and Bio-equality, where every creature has equal right to survive.
Then quote steps like laws, Constitution article ( write article 48A, 50 is irrelevant here) etc. To achieve Ghandhiji’s vision about treatment to animals.
So write more effective arguments. Keep Practicing 🙂
UPI Reference No.-114715258066
Murari,
Your Introduction is fine. However you need to concise it.
Improvement in the presentation is needed. Write shorter paragraphs and give proper space between different sections.
In your answer you have just mentioned provisions for protection of wildlife. Which is not the demand of the question.
you need to bring out the values involved here like Compassion, respecting right to life of all species, protecting and providing justice to those who can’t raise their voice etc. And connect it greatness of a nation.
Then highlight that animals are treated not better than objects of gratification, going against Gandhiji‟s concept of Bio-morality and Bio-equality, where every creature has equal right to survive.
Then briefly mentioned these articles and laws to depict that India as a nation gave huge Importance to animal rights. However there are still issue.
Then write your way forward and Conclusion.
Write regularly. Work upon your structure. stay focused on the demand of the question and Keep Practicing 🙂
Kindly review @Swatantra sir
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