“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction-
explain what do you understand by the statement. (Connect it with three phases of life Child, youth, and Old)
Body-
Then explain At the youth, the productive age, reasons for neglect of kindness towards others (self-centred, egoistic, ignorance, awareness etc.)
Discuss the relevance of statement in today’s Indian society-write in the context of population structure of India youth being majority and prevailing issues in the society like hunger, poverty, corruption, violence etc.
Conclude the answer on a positive note.
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Utkarsha ,
You have failed to understand the essence of the question hence could not answer it properly.
First of crude generalisation of Nature that you have done on the first page can not be done.
Rather you must write on the lines such as in the time of our birth we depend on our parents for love, care and compassion and our life is dependent on the kindness of our close ones.
Similarly, when we are old and in fragile health, we depend upon the kindness of our children and caretakers.
However, when we are in our youth, we are self-dependent, we have immense energy and we are most productive and innovative, but often we tend to neglect the kindness towards others knowingly or unknowingly. It happens so because we become self-centric, ignorant towards problems of others, egoistic and our only focus is to fulfill our own desires, therefore, we tend to neglect our responsibility towards family, society, nation and humanity.
This led to increased believe in consumerism, barely give heed to environment, give importance to rights rather than duties, indulge in acts like hate speeches for vote bank, indulge in corruption, have become ignorant towards elders’ problems, and poverty in our country.
In the end you need to write broad Suggestions to resolve this issue.
Now about your doubt in my opinion you should avoid Writing personal examples like this untill asked in the question specifically. Also avoid mentioning any political personality who is alive and not as been accepted by all Sections of the society without any controversy. Also Avoid mentioning any coaching name or anything which can be taken as identity mark (like coaching or optional) for that UPSC is very strict will levy heavy Penalty.
Use examples of personalities who are rather famous and accepted by all.
I hope this clears your doubt.
All the Best and Keep Practicing:)
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Rajlaxmi ,
You have started your answer on the write track. Even Written it very well. However in the middle you have lost the track.
After identifying beliefs in youth you need to connect it issues of Indian society like- with increased believe in consumerism, barely give heed to environment, give importance to rights rather than duties, indulge in acts like hate speeches for vote bank, indulge in corruption, youth have become ignorant towards elders’ problems, and poverty in our country etc.
This lack/neglect of kindness towards others has led to inequality, malnutrition, hunger, clashes among different groups, degradation to environment and source of all kinds of discriminations in our society. Add facts or examples to support your argument.
Then in next section you need to write some suggestions to rectify this behaviour.
So first part of the answer is Written very well with modification of second part to bring in social context this Answer will complete.
Conclusion is good. All the best and keep Practicing 🙂
3.5/10
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Shivanshu,
You have started your answer on the right lines However you lost the track of it in after your third paragraph.
Avoid Writing vague points like your point (a). Be specific bring out values clearly.
In this question you had to write on the lines such as in the time of our birth we depend on our parents for love, care and compassion and our life is dependent on the kindness of our close ones.
Similarly, when we are old and in fragile health, we depend upon the kindness of our children and caretakers.
However, when we are in our youth, we are self-dependent, we have immense energy and we are most productive and innovative, but often we tend to neglect the kindness towards others knowingly or unknowingly. It happens so because we become self-centric, ignorant towards problems of others, egoistic and our only focus is to fulfill our own desires, therefore, we tend to neglect our responsibility towards family, society, nation and humanity.
In the context of Indian society- This led to increased believe in consumerism, barely give heed to environment, give importance to rights rather than duties, indulge in acts like hate speeches for vote bank, indulge in corruption, have become ignorant towards elders’ problems, and poverty in our country.
Then you should write Some suggestions to rectify above behaviour to address above issues.
Conclusion also needs to be modified on above lines.
All the best and keep Practicing 🙂
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Kartikey,
From the first word to the last you have remained in sync with the demand of the Question.
You have Written a very good Answer. You need to add some facts so to give more credibility to your Arguments.
Also give a bit more focus on Suggestions as well to depict constructive Attitude in the answer.
Rest is fine. Overall a very good effort. Keep Practicing 🙂